The do's and don'ts when dealing with a break up

Hello everyone❤️ Since my last post on the 7th of September I have been getting lots of notifications that people have been on my blog and what country they are viewing it from. Although I haven’t been posting as regularly as I would like to, people from all over the world have been reading my posts and it really means a lot to me. Anyone who knows me or follows me on social media knows that I suffer with bad anxiety. Lately my anxiety has been so bad on top of feeling sick so things have not been the best. I know better days are coming though and I look forward to feeling much better soon. In Ireland we are now 4 days into our second lockdown. I know dealing with everything that’s going on is difficult for everyone around the world. I pray that better days are coming for us all. I hope you are all okay. Take care of yourselves, stay safe and speak to people around you if you are struggling or feeling down. If you do not feel comfortable talking to people you know, I am always here to listen and whether we know each other personally or not you can always message me❤️

Two weeks ago I posted on my Instagram asking my followers whether they would be interested in me writing a blog post about the do’s and don’ts when it comes to break ups. Many were interested so that is what todays post will be about😊I have also been speaking to a few people over the last few weeks who are going through break ups so I hope that this post will help them and anyone else who is reading this post and is going through the same thing. This post also applies to anyone who was speaking to someone for a while but it ended and they are upset by it. Although you may not have been officially with the person, it can be just as hard to let go of the person because they were around for so long.

When it comes to break ups they are never easy to deal with. Having to let go of someone who was a big part of your life is always difficult. From the relationships I have been in, I have experienced some bad break ups. I was constantly upset, was doubting my self-worth, thought I would never find anyone else, I felt alone even though I had people around me, I felt anxious, depressed due to situations I had to deal with while in the relationships and I thought all of these feelings would never go away and that things would never get better. It will take time for things to get better and how long it will take will depend on various things like how your relationship was, how the relationship ended, why the relationship ended, how you felt in the relationship etc. When break ups are still raw, it feels like things will never get better. I can promise you from the bottom of my heart that this is not the case. You will be sad for a while and it will hurt but as days pass by some things will start getting easier, as weeks pass by you will start feeling more like yourself again and as months pass by you will be feeling sooo much better. Healing takes time. There will be times when you think that you are coping really well with the break up, that you’re finally feeling better again and that you’re over it and then all of a sudden everything comes rushing back and you feel sad about everything again. Don’t be hard on yourself when this happens, it’s perfectly normal. There will be good days and bad days but I promise it gets easier as time goes on❤️

My advice on the do’s and don’ts when it comes to break ups is:

Do:

· Allow yourself to be upset. Go through the motions and don’t be hard on yourself. Take things day by day. It’s perfectly normal to have good days and bad days❤️

· Get help from a professional if you feel like it will benefit you. If you are dealing with a break up where you felt like it was really hard on you due to things they did, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse whatever the situation may be please reach out to someone for help. If you search for information online regarding your situation or you are in search of a counsellor, there are loads of options for you and information that will help🤗

· Spend time with your family and friends. When going through break ups it is natural to feel like you want to shut everyone out because you are upset and don’t feel like socialising. My advice would be to try your best to spend time with the people you love. They will really be the ones to help you through everything. I didn’t feel like socialising at all when I was going through my break up. I genuinely felt so depressed. I am so thankful that my family and my friends made sure they stayed around me. Without them I don’t know what I would have done. I love them so much❤️

· Make sure to get plenty of fresh air. With everything going on with the virus what we can do in terms of going out is very limited. My suggestions would be to go on a walk, run, do some home workouts outside etc. As long as you are getting some fresh air that’s all that matters. It will do wonders for you and will help clear your head

· Make sure that you are eating and drinking enough, even when you don’t feel up to eating or drinking. Being sad has different effects on people but please make sure that you are having enough meals in the day and that you stay hydrated, it’s so important

· Do things that make you happy. Anything that brings you joy will be so important while you are feeling down. Whether its cooking, baking, singing, playing an instrument, writing, playing sport, exercising, doing makeup, spending time with family, seeing friends (while socially distancing), making YouTube videos, blogging etc. Make sure to put your time into whatever it is you enjoy. My nieces and nephews bring me so much joy, spending time with them while I was feeling sad made things so much easier for me. They are my world🌍❤️

· Invest in yourself. Write a list of things that you want to achieve and focus on those things. For example, if you have been wanting to start learning how to drive doing your theory test followed by doing your lessons could be a goal for you or if you wanted to learn a new skill put your time into that. Investing in yourself will always make you feel so much better.

Don’t:

· Don’t be hard on yourself. This is so important. Do things in your own time at a pace that feels comfortable for you🤗

· Don’t base your self-worth around your relationship. This is something that I did for about 2 months after me and my ex broke up. I was so upset, was feeling so down about everything that I dealt with and was in such a dark place that I fully thought I would never find anyone again, I was blaming myself and thought I wasn’t good enough. Looking back on how I felt, it makes me so sad that I felt this way because this was not the case and what happened was not my fault. I am more than good enough. Always have been and always will be. You are too and please don’t ever doubt that❤️

· Don’t have contact with them. Staying in contact with your ex after a break up is always something that will be hard because you are not with the person anymore but they are still around. My advice would be to have a clean break from the relationship and to not have any contact with them. If you both speak to each other a few months down the line and decide to be on friendly terms you could then decide what you feel is best for you but keeping in contact immediately after the break up I would never recommend

· Don’t give them a second chance. If the relationship was bad or something happened pleaseeeee do not give them a second chance because 9 times out of 10 you will go through breaking up with them again shortly down the line. When people break up it’s because the relationship isn’t working. There is better for you out there so as hard as it may be and no matter how hard they may try to get you back don’t give in. There is better in store for you, trust the process🙏

· Following the previous advice, don’t let them manipulate you or emotionally abuse you into getting back with them. Some people will use things they know will get to you against you, pull on your heart strings, send you gifts or make grand gestures but it will only last for so long. Don’t fall for it

· Drink too much alcohol. Stay away from large amounts of alcohol as it is a depressant and will more than likely make you feel worse in the long run

· Listen to sad songs or watch sad movies for at least 2 months. I promise you this just makes everything worse. Listen to songs that make you happy and lift your mood. For me it was afrobeats and dancehall that got me through💃 Your go to movies should be comedies. Anything that makes you happy and makes you laugh is what you need. Stay away from anything that makes you feel sad.

As I mentioned earlier on in this post, all of the advice given goes for people who are going through the end of what is known as the ‘talking stage’ too as it can be just as hard when you really like them. Break ups are so difficult but I am a very strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that when something does not work out how you wanted it to or how you thought it would work out it’s because there is so much better for you out there✨

During these times with everything going on with the coronavirus it is harder to keep busy as there are less things to do to occupy your time. I hope that some of the suggestions I have given in the Do section are helpful to you as I tailored the advice around the current situation.

If you are reading this and you are going through a break up I want you to know that everything is going to be okay. If you are reading this and you are going through a break up where the relationship was toxic, I have a post on my blog a few posts underneath this one about toxic relationships that may be of help to you. You are going to get through this and things will get better. Your relationship with that person is over but it makes way for someone who is perfect for you to enter your life. I promise you that you will be alright🤗 Stay strong and if you need to speak to anyone I am here for you always you can message me on my social media platforms anytime. I have been through it all when it comes to relationships so I will always be here to listen and help❤️

Stay safe everyone and take care of yourself❤️

Until next time🤗

Much Love,

Shannon💛